one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
