Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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