i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
