put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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