it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
