just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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