The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
