New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize