Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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