I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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