I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
