if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
