but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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