I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
