I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
