they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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