I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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