I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
