I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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