Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
