Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
