Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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