I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
as a side note pls kill me
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
