As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
