R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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