I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Even my vagina gasped.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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