I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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