I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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