Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Farmville is her only friend.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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