I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
