so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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