The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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