I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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