end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
