My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
