Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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