You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
