Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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