While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
