Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
