I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
