This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
