I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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