I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
