I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm passing your future prison.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
