I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
