The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i out mim tonsoeep
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