I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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