I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
