gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
