I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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