Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
