you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize