today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
