I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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