So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
