"it" just moved
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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