Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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