Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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