i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
