She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
