you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize