She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
