I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
