Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
