I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
