Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
