he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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