The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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