shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
