I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you win again, gameday.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
