Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
