I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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