dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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