Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to sanitize my soul.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
