I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
