I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
