She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
