I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
