i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
