We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
