You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
