Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize