there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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