The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize