Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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