Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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