In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
