you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dicks are not precious.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
