Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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