This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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