do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
