Nicole vs. Life
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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