How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
