Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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